Running to Home

I decided to ride with my sister to Houston to get her sister for our granny Emma’s going. She drove, I rode, it was cool.

She used to be scared to look over her shoulder for fear of moving the wheel and hitting something. No matter how many times I told her to try, she wouldn’t. Sitting in the backseat I saw her look over her left shoulder before switching lanes and it brought a little joy to my heart. She worked on that little weakness and is just doing the thing. PAUSE

At our core, under all gucky ego, we are that Divine spark, the connection to the ALL. It made me think about our relationship with Divine, about how God could be teaching us things that are beneficial for us in the long run. We could be so wrapped up in fear that we run from perfecting beneficial things like compassion, trust, discipline, etc…

We can only run so long before we’re forced to exercise it “on our own”. Just as I was her teacher God is ours, quietly nudging us to do things that will be beneficial for us. She didn’t choose to do it in mine but had no choice but to learn in her own car. Sometimes we refuse to do what we’re being told until we have to use the things we ran from to get us back, more/less self discipline, boundaries, responsibilities, etc.),

The difference with me and God is that I’m not always with her but Divine is always within us. God never leaves us despite what we may feel. We feel on our own because we’ve ran so far. The presence can always be felt if you are willing to look for it.

Face and defeat your fears by exercising from the level of where you’re headed. Analyze and work on your weak points in order to strengthen you. May all Beings be happy, may all Beings be joyful, may all Beings be in peace and may the troubles of our suffering be removed.

Perspective and Gratitude

It was a gloomy, drizzly day and just so happened to be my little brother’s birthday. My father called and said he wanted to go out to eat and I was fine with that, being I knew I’d be a little hungry. He ended up calling to say he changed his mind to wings and they’d be going over my sister’s house. PAUSE So I like sticking to spontaneous plans if that makes sense, and this was a curveball. My initial thought was to pass and stay home like I planned. Then here comes the ‘people pleaser’… I agreed to go even though I was really saying no. It’s a story for another day about my father but a part of me has always wanted him around so now that he is I guess I sometimes do things just to try to please him. It’s crazy but that was my only reason for saying yes, because I knew he liked to see his children together. RESUME

I had just pulled into the apartments coming from my suite. I decided to atleast go and grab my wine so I can do half my ‘plan’. Entering onto the highway I immediately hit red light traffic. PAUSE “I’m going to exit the next one and go home” were my thoughts. “But you already told him you’d come” was people pleaser’s. Dang ok. RESUME

Traffic was an additional 15 mins, made it through. Pulled into my sister’s apartment and began looking for visitors. Some visitors are clear but others have a white wiped off reserve spot so it’s hard to tell sometimes. Anywhoo I think I find one and back in. Now something tells me to get out and check before I backed in but here comes impatience, ‘I’ll check it when I get out from parking.’ So I park, get out and check it.. all clear. I go back go cut my car off and something says check again. It’s drizzling outside so I rushingly kneeled down and checked. This time I seen the faded white. I couldn’t see much more without getting on my knees so I decided to assume it was the visitor spot that was a faded reserved. So I went in and chilled, then it was time to leave. Here comes comfortability/laziness, ‘Just relax, stay the night.’ I’m thinking, ‘I don’t want to’, but it is comfortable.. I don’t get up. About 20 mins later my mom calls and needs a ride from work then says never mind. I should have got up because it had been raining on and off, but laziness had set in. I watched a movie and fell asleep. FAST FORWARD

I wake up to leave as my sister is heading out. Go outside and into the drizzle and my car is nowhere in sight! Zero words to describe the depth my heart sank to. The parking spot I was in was indeed NOT a faded visitors spot, but one that was faded and had a little piece of fresh white paint saying reserved. PAUSE For the first couple of seconds of seeing that the only thing I thought of was the amount of chances I was offered to get it right. Dwelling on it then would help nothing but as the day went I was able to see. How many times has our heavenly Parents given us chance after chance to do something right? Sometimes we actually do listen, we do as we’re told. But the way we do it is what affects us; rushing, being impatient, not doing full heartedly, focus really elsewhere, etc… Slow down, enjoy, breath. RESUME

I’ve been saying for months how I wanted to ride the bus/train to reignite my appreciation for my car, regardless of the condition (long story). Lately I found myself thinking how I missed the days of having zero car responsibility, taking people places, driving here and there, oil changes, car problems, etc.. Elohim definitely has a sense of humor. So I was headed out the door to the bus stop when I remembered that I didn’t have shoes on, only hard bottom house sandals. Mind you it was drizzling and puddly wet outside so I was complaining about how unprepared I was/looked to be out in the this weather. Guess what’s the first thing I see upon arrival at the bus stop? A lady holding a bag of clothes with NO SHOES!! PAUSE When I tell y’all that I was took to a complete indescribable place!! Here I was inwardly complaining about not being prepared for this trip, this journey, and here someone comes to shut me right up. What are the odds literally?! It made me think about how sometimes life seems ‘unfair’ to us because of situations, but somehow there is always someone able to make it from where you’re at, or worse, with less! I didn’t quite overact about my car being towed (goood) and this right here majorly shifted my perspective to being thankful to and gratitude for the things which I do have. RESUME

I walked in complete peace or contentment, maybe both, for about a minute. As I walked down the median, a car to my right made like a u-turn to where the passenger side was directly ahead of me, they waved for me to come. I was a little skeptical but something told me I’d be fine. After all, the tow place was actually like 30 seconds walking distance away so I thought there wasn’t much risk. I accepted the offer and they literally drove me the last 10 seconds of my journey. PAUSE It made me think how we sometimes are journeying through life, seemingly alone, fighting low feelings. We get tired, my toes were becoming froze and my fingers were starting to move slow.. but the moment we choose to let go and live, to stop complaining and walk, Elohim is able to step in. I didn’t finish the journey on my own, we never finish it on our own. I was able to get my car with no issues on the front end. Rewind to the day before the wing party, I had a client who over paid which allowed me to have the money ‘I didn’t have’ to pay to get my car. So in just as much as we will never finish alone, we also will never start alone. RESUME

The ride was relaxing, peaceful and very much exactly what I needed to refresh. It felt good to feel the coldness on my skin and the wind whip around my hood as I try to run from it. It felt oddly good to have to be in the cold, being cold waiting for that opportunity to be momentarily warm. I felt alive and very privileged for life and just the ability to breath… Then came the walk from the bus stop to the towing yard. It was over a bridge, down a hill and little ways down on a street to the left. My problem with the walking was not the walk itself, but it was with what I thought I looked like walking it. PAUSE My ‘embarrassment’ of my situation was worse than the cold and drizzle itself. Here I was poor little skinny me, walking in the rain and cold with no tennis shoes, to pay money I ‘didn’t have’ to get my beat up car, boohoo. I found myself noticing a pity party trying to start. That’s when my first eye opener of the day reentered my mind.. I had not been appreciative of what I had when someone else would have been happy with it. Atleast my feet were covered, atleast I had feet to cover. Atleast I had money to get my car. Atleast my car, flaws and all, was mine and able to be got. And the weather was a part of Elohim, beauty in the most natural form, but I was blessed enough to be sheltered from it. RESUME

I was never so happy to pay for my own property, slight sarcasm. But no really the whole experience truly shifted my perspective on the little things. All of my inward complaining would have changed nothing but the enjoyment of the experience. When I was able to quiet my mind, it allowed me to clear the fog from my perspective of the experience to help my overall perception.

Be grateful and appreciate what you do have. As we grow in Christ the connection we have with Elohim becomes clearer and we’re able to hear and act accordingly. Life is a long test, we advance through every obstacle/opportunity according to our internal accounts. May all Beings be happy, may all Beings be joyful, may all Beings be in peace and may the troubles of our suffering be removed.